CHARACTERS
Narrator, female, 20-24, 5’2”- 5’4”, long brown hair, White. Little girl, 7-9, brown hair, pale skin.
Middle aged girl, 12-14, brown hair, pale skin. Dad, 40-55, salt & pepper hair, White.
Mom, 45-60, shoulder length gray hair, White.
Photographer & all other men, played by 1-10 males. On the thinner side, 5’9” - 6’3”, brown hair, any race.
Scene I
NARRATOR
(Lights are dim. The narrator walks out of a side door on stage. She’s wearing a robe. She leans against the wall. )
Ever since I can remember I was boy crazy. (Nods toward SR.)
(These are quick.)
(Spotlight hits on SR interaction. A little girl in a school uniform purposefully trips into a boy’s arms. Spotlight turns off on the frozen moment.)
(Spotlight hits on SC interaction. A lone 2-person bus seat. A middle school girl leans into the boy she’s sitting next to. They mime conversation. Lights off.)
(Spotlight hits on SL interaction. A high school girl snuggled up on a set of bleachers next to a boy, both decked out in school colors–black and red. The spotlight moves quickly from this to the present-day narrator.)
Here inlies the rub. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. But here’s what I did do.
(Stage lights up. There’s an older man in a suit opening his arms toward her. A photographer, with his back towards the audience, holds a camera that is set on a tripod. She takes her robe off to reveal a short and poofy metallic black dress. She joins the man and poses.)
PHOTOGRAPHER
Say cheese!
(They smile and the camera flashes. The photographer leaves SL. They both move center stage together. A slow CCM (Contemporary Christian music) song plays, probably something by Hillsong. They start slow dancing.)
NARRATOR
(To the audience, still dancing.) Oh, let me clear this up for you. A purity ball.
(She nods toward the man.) My dad. It’s this crazy thing conservative Christians do. Your dad takes you to this dance, you dress up, and you’re lucky if you see your other church friends with their own dads. You take a nice photo, eat a sub-par catered dinner, then slow dance awkwardly with your father in the middle of an over-decorated conference room.
Next, the dads collectively pull out a maroon box from their pockets, and the rings are presented. (He does so.) You, as a 13-year-old, already know what this ring symbolizes. You are to save your virginity for your future husband.
(He goes to put the ring on her finger.)
Fuck. It doesn’t fit. It barely gets past my knuckle. Do they think all teenage girls have the same finger size??? I look around. Fuck. Everyone else’s rings are sliding right on. It’s funny now, but this solidified one of my insecurities. (She lifts her hands up to her face.) Big hands.
(A pause. She’s staring at the ring on her left knuckle then comes back to the moment.)
DAD
(He winks.) We’ll get it resized.
NARRATOR
So, a dance, where your dad makes you promise not to have sex until your wedding night. Weird, right??? Thing is–the night was really fun. I felt special.
(She smiles at her dad; he kisses her hand and walks off stage.)
(She walks upstage, and sits on the edge, still addressing the audience.)
At that moment I planned on going through with that. I wore the ring, resized of course, with pride. I was different from everyone else. I had a duty to uphold. Until, Dean.
(A man in all white walks out. He stands SC and looks out to the audience with confidence. The narrator circles him from afar. She unzips the dress to reveal jean shorts and a tank top.)
We met when I was 13. He was a cool older boy. I was crushing hard, devastated that he didn’t feel the same way. He would tell me about the girls he had crushes on, and I was too embarrassed to ever tell him how I felt. Then, one night, two years after we met, our families went on vacation together. We ended up at a beach volleyball court.
(The man offers a hand out to the narrator. He twirls her in.)
We made out.
(A pause. They continue a passionate dance. He leads. She delivers these sentences within the breaks of the dance.)
Making out doesn’t give it justice. It was more than that. I was in love with him. My entire body felt like it was on fire. We were there for hours, back when you could get away with just kissing for longer than five minutes.
(They hug tight with their faces pressed against one another’s necks.)
It was the first time I had my neck kissed. It felt so good that I made sure to treat him with the same attention. We walked back to the cottage.
(They walk aimlessly hand-in-hand–making their way to a spotlight coming from above SL.)
DEAN
Let me check you before we head in.
NARRATOR
(To the audience.) I was confused. (To him.) What?
(He laughs and moves her head from right to left, checking her neck.)
DEAN
You’ve got a little one over here. Might wanna cover that tomorrow.
NARRATOR
(To the audience.) I didn’t want to cover it, but he knew my parents. (To him.) Okay lemme see yours. (She checks one side.) Oof, little one over here. (Turns to the other.) Ohhhhh shit.
(She takes a step away and addresses the audience.) (A ball drops from above her. She catches it.)
Softball sized. Not baseball. Softball. I had no idea how easy it was to give someone a hickey. Why did no one warn me?? UGH. (She throws the ball hard off SR.) I covered mine with layer upon layer of foundation and powder. I tried to do the same for him, but he was much tanner than me. The white spot would only draw more attention. He had to wear a bandana the rest of the week. Everyone could guess what went down.
(He leans against the wall and watches her talk.)
Let me flash forward. We dated for years after this. But a few months after the volleyball court came thee night.
(She’s in a blue formal dress.)
Let me set the stage. My musty basement after we had come back from my sophomore year homecoming dance. We watched Master of Disguise and made it most of the way through before we were making out. On a giant... beanbag.
(She takes a few large steps from where she was and a large beanbag drops from the catwalk.) We were kissing through the last bit of the movie, the end credits, the bloopers, until the main title from the DVD was playing over, and over again. But we tread on.
Some people lose their virginity to Usher, Boys to Men, maybe even Christina Aguilera?? Me, M.A.S.T.E.R. by Lil’ Fizz. On repeat. (Song begins to play.) It all happened so fast.
(Dean walks up to her and she lifts her leg to his side, ala the tango. He grabs her leg and lifts her other as well. He picks her up and takes her to the beanbag. Sets her down lightly and moves his head down to below her waist.)
DEAN
This okay?
NARRATOR
(Excited.) Omg he’s about to go down on me. (To him.) Yes.
DEAN
Okay, I brought a condom. (He freezes.)
NARRATOR
HUH?? Ohmygod Ohmygod he means sex, um, I have three seconds to think. Here’s what I knew about sex.
(Enter mom and dad from either side, lecturing.)
DAD
Sex is between a man and his wife. \
MOM
Men are sexual creatures, not women.
DAD
Under the correct circumstances, it can be God-honoring.
MOM
It is your duty as a wife to please your husband.
(They both leave.)
NARRATOR
Are teenage boys pushed to stay pure?? This is annoying. I rationalize. I really thought he was the one. We’d be married someday, so why not? I’ll still only ever be with one man, but it’s just a little earlier than the wedding night. I’m allowed to do this.
(To him.) Oh! Um, yeah, okay.
(He crawls on top of her.) It hurt really bad. I cried. It was nice.
(Dean kisses her, helps her off the beanbag, and leaves SL.)
I wanted to tell someone. I needed to tell someone. I taped the empty condom wrapper in my journal and wrote “IT HAPPENED.” But more importantly, my parents could not find out.
My mom would check in with me a few times a year to see if I was still saving myself. A few years later Dean and I ended things. I was heartbroken.
Impulsively, I finally told my mom, after we’d been broken up for a while.
(The narrator is now in jeans and a sweatshirt. Mom enters, carrying two stools. Sets them down for the two of them.)
She really loved Dean, so she brought him up every so often.
MOM
It’s a good thing you two weren’t connected in that way. Would have made the breakup so much harder for you.
NARRATOR
I was done lying about it. (To her.) We were. But only a few times. (To the audience now.) Well, not totally done lying. (Back to her.) I haven’t since.
MOM
Oh... well, I’m glad you feel like you can be honest with me.
NARRATOR
Here’s the thing about my parents: they’re frustrating. But, they’re also beautiful people. They have a solid marriage and they’re really sweet together. They taught me how to deal with conflict and how to be independent. My dad is the hardest worker I know, and my mom has a giant heart. I know they’d do anything for me, and I really do love them.
They mean well, but sometimes their opinions come off a bit ignorant.
(They stand up and mom leaves with the stools.)
To put it in perspective, I had once told my mom that I might not be into White people. She responded with, “Isn’t that racist toward White people?”
It all starts to make sense, right? White Evangelicals? White savior complex. They’d never admit it obviously, but it’s true.
I know all sins are the same in the eyes of the Lord, but I know she’d rather hear me say I’m sexually active than say I’m gay.
So, my mom knew I slept with Dean. But what my dad knew... was much worse.
(Exits stage right.)
Scene II
(Narrator steps out from SR in athletic wear.)
NARRATOR
I felt cool with Elijah. He was older, captain of the football team, valedictorian, and homecoming king. A junior girl dating a popular senior guy?? That’s what they make movies about. We had gotten together a few months after Dean and I broke things off. We hit it off after we met at the gym. We liked each other for the most part, but I think both of us knew we were sticking around for the sex. We slept together the second time we hung out. I took his virginity. His aunt was rich and out of town for the winter months,
so we’d go to her place most times. The sex was good, I mean, not that I was coming or anything, but that was typical then.
So, the scene. I’m gonna need a black leather couch stage center, please.
(Man in all gray pushes couch out, lays down on his side. Narrator joins him so that they are spooning.)
Imagine you’re cuddled on the couch at home watching the world’s best documentary Blackfish with your hunky boyfriend after your parents have already gone to bed. I’ll tell you what’s bound to happen next. We have a steamy make out sesh, and I suggest we head out to his car to continue. It was parked in my driveway, but the garage door was closed.
(She grabs his hands and walks toward SL. Lights dim. The couch is pulled off by a stage- hand and the frame of a Jeep with tinted windows replaces it. They’re about to go behind the car, no longer visible to the audience.)
You know what? I’ll let you guys watch this one live.
(They walk behind the car.)
Action!
(Slight sexual noises can be heard from inside, the car is moving at a rhythmic pace. All of a sudden, a light from SL turns on.)
ELIJAH
Oh shit.
NARRATOR
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I should go. See ya.
(She steps out from behind the car, adjusting her clothes. She heads off SL near the direction of the light as the Jeep is pulled off SR. The lights dim to nothing.)
(This conversation is had off stage.)
Oh hey, sorry, I was just saying bye to Elijah.
DAD
Don’t play dumb with me.
NARRATOR
It’s not what you think... we were just kissing and whatever.
DAD
I saw the Jeep bouncing.
(Silence.)
NARRATOR
(Lights slowly come up to a low light. Narrator enters back SL.) He turned around and went back to his room after that. He didn’t speak to me for a week. My mom didn’t notice, the only time the three of us were all together was at dinner, and he had two other kids he could address at the table. I don’t think he ever told her. He was probably too ashamed to talk about it, and I was too ashamed to tell anyone what happened. I felt an invisible shame begin to tower over me. What happened was Elijah and I were fucking in the car, and he took my dog out, off the back porch. He saw it. He saw it, turned back around to go into the house, and flicked the outside lights on to let me know “You’re in deep shit.”
(Her dad enters from SL carrying some items.)
One silent week later he picked me up from work with a box of my favorite chocolates and a letter where he apologized for being hard on me. I imagine that he chose the letter as a way to get through it.
(He hands her the letter and quickly shuffles off stage.)
I know he would’ve choked up if he tried to apologize to my face. We never spoke of it again. Elijah and I broke up soon after this.
My sister and my mom didn’t talk for a week when she found out that she and her fiancé had been sleeping together.
My dad and I didn’t talk for a week after he caught Elijah and me. My brother never lost contact with a parent after he fessed up.
(She begins to shove chocolates into her mouth.) I didn’t sleep with anyone for a long time after that. Thinking about sex made me sick. I genuinely thought I might never enjoy it again. I even considered renewing my “promise with God.” My mom told me it was never too late to be a born-again virgin.
But, with time I moved on from the weight of that and kept on doing whatever with whoever I wanted to do it with.
But this didn’t keep me from thinking there was something wrong with me. My mom knew I had sex with Dean, and my dad knew I was sleeping with Elijah. What would happen if they knew about everything else? What if she knew how often I think about it? How I’ve thought about what it would be like with every stranger I pass. Would she think I was being boyish? Immature? Would she think I’m gross and unladylike? I can’t be the only woman like this, right?
What I do know is how my view of sex was shaped and warped by religion. A religion I am no longer a part of continues to play a lead role in the guilt that fills me after any interaction, no matter how far it goes. Guilt is the currency of Christianity. It’s how they convince you to keep praying. You can wipe away your sins as easily as you wiped that guy’s load from your stomach 20 minutes earlier. As long as you ask for forgiveness right after, you’re still going to heaven.
I just wish I could detach myself from what was pushed onto me all those years as a child. I wish someone had told me the truth about what it really was. You’re not a slut, and you’re not a whore. You’re a person. You’re allowed to have desires and you’re al- lowed to act on them without Satan striking you down.
(Beat.)
Come to think of it, I’d love to seduce the devil, he’s probably crazy in bed.
(Curtains on scene II.)
Scene III
(The narrator walks out center stage in a tan bra and underwear set. A large mirror drops from the catwalk with a basket of things in front of it. She walks up to it.)
NARRATOR
This was at the same time in my life when I started to become very aware of my body. Sixth grade was the first year I had realized I needed to hate my body, because it didn’t look like it was supposed to.
(She puts on a pair of jeans that are a bit too tight. She gives up on them, takes them back off.)
Seventh grade was the first and only year I self-mutilated because of it.
(She throws on a button down and tugs on the bottom of the sleeves.)
Eighth grade was when I was desperate to make any sort of change to it. I’d cover my thighs and stomach in Vaseline and sleep with them saran wrapped.
(She smothers her thighs in Vaseline and wraps them tightly and puts the jeans back on.)
One day in eighth grade I wore a shirt like this with a cut out in the back near my shoulder blades. The boys at the table next to me were teasing me, “Did you get that half off??” A lunch monitor walks up to me.
(The woman previously playing her mother walks out SL in teacher looking attire.)
TEACHER
(She points to SR.)
I think you need to head to the nurse’s office.
NARRATOR
(She walks SR, toward the “nurse’s office.”) I got sent to the nurse for taking the jokes. Me. The boys continued to get to eat their lunch while I did the walk of shame to the nurse’s office. I proceeded to get lectured about the human body and how boys my age cannot control themselves.
(The man previously playing her dad wheels in from SR in a sweater vest and glasses sitting at a cluttered desk.)
NURSE
Take a seat. (Gestures toward the other side of his desk.) So, I hear you’re a distraction in class. Let me explain something to you about teenage boys...
NARRATOR
(She turns around in her seat to face the audience.) And somehow, he knew my parents.
(Stagehands spin the platform around so the nurse’s next lines are said during the movement and the narrator ends up facing the audience.)
NURSE
You come from a good Christian home, what would your parents think about this?
(Her mouth drops open in shock. She steps off the platform and it’s wheeled away SR.)
NARRATOR
He died a decade later. Heart attack while he was cross country skiing. Karma’s a bitch.
Ninth grade was when I started lifting and working out. I was incredibly fit, but I wouldn’t have known. (A collection of funhouse mirrors lowers from the catwalk and distorts her body.) In my own head, I was fat, and nothing was going to change that.
I almost didn’t finish my junior year of high school. My disordered eating was at an all time high, and I managed to gain over 30 pounds in one month. I didn’t fit into any of my clothes, I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror, and I refused to go to school for weeks.
My senior year I got my shit back together and managed to get back to my regular weight in a healthy way, and I started to make drastic changes in my life. Since then, I have not known a number that goes along with my body. Come to think of it, I don’t think I even hate my body–I just hate the idea of how other people might perceive it.
(She puts on a hospital gown and the previous mom character walks out in a lab coat- wheeling out a scale.)
DOCTOR
Alright so we got your height, mind stepping on this scale for me?
NARRATOR
Um, can I step up backwards? I’d prefer not to know.
DOCTOR
Of course. Go ahead.
(She marks something down on the paper and smiles at her before she walks away with it. The narrator takes off the gown. She’s wearing lingerie.)
NARRATOR
You’d think if I struggled with my body image, I wouldn’t want to have sex, right?
It was actually the complete opposite. I hated my body, but not when someone was touching it. I’d take photos in my room in little outfits like this. This was my way in with the boys I talked to. Sex was the one time my body, no matter what it looked like, was fully accepted and embraced. I didn’t care about the shame that took place for weeks after because it was worth the few moments of riding that high.
(A bed wheels in from SL with Max under the covers. A door frame wheels in center stage.)
I was in the seat of power and these men would worship me... well, at least before the post-nut clarity hit.
(She gets into bed with him, and they go under the sheets together and quickly come out from underneath them, looking exhausted.)
MAX
Damn, you can come over whenever you want. Lemme walk you to the door.
NARRATOR
I got dressed and he walked me to the door. Naked.
(Max wraps a white sheet around himself, walks her to the frame.)
MAX
I’ll text you! (They kiss goodnight.)
(She walks through the doorway and smiles as she looks back. She turns back to the audience and her smile dissipates.)
NARRATOR
He never texted. Never called. He told me before we slept together that night that he didn’t do “one-night stands”.
(Voices are heard from the wings.)
MALE VOICES
How could you fall for that?
Did you really think he’d text you? You’re pathetic.
NARRATOR
Why does it fall back on us when men lie? Shouldn’t you always take someone at their word? Why is it my responsibility when someone is dishonest?
Speaking of dishonesty, let me tell you about Josh.
Scene IV
(A stagehand comes from behind the narrator and ties a green apron around her, hands her a shaker. A small table from SR is pushed in on a wheeled platform. A man, Josh, sits. She shakes the shaker and stares at him.)
NARRATOR
I bet you can all guess where I used to work. Point is, this guy would come in almost every day, and you see that on his table? That’s a motorcycle helmet. Hot. Oh, yeah and see that other thing on the table? That’s a Bible.
A Bible. Fuck.
But he was probably the most attractive person I’d ever seen.
You win some, you lose some, I guess.
I thought hey–my parents are always pressuring me to date a “good Christian boy” so, maybe I’ll give it a chance.
(She takes off her apron and approaches him.)
At the end of my shift, I made my move—I handed him a five-dollar gift card that said “next one’s on me” with a little winky face and my phone number. After this, he reached out and we started hanging out a lot.
(They walk to center stage, hand-in-hand, and the table is wheeled off.) (Calling offstage.) Can someone toss me a blanket? It’s dusty down here. (Catches a rolled-up blanket that’s tossed to her.)
Thank you!
(She places the blanket at front center stage, and they lay down, facing the audience.)
Okay, so we were in a car, but you’ll just have to use your imagination. One night, in the movie theater parking lot, he made a move.
(He lifts up onto his elbow to make a move, but she gives him the “one sec” sign and he rolls his eyes and lays back down.)
Usually, I would not be hesitant to make the first move, but I thought it respectful to wait for his call because he hadn’t had his first kiss yet. He was 22. He was... saving it for marriage??? So, it wasn’t my place to rush it.
(She calls him back up. He leans on his elbow and seems like he’s going in for a kiss before he actually leans into her ear.)
JOSH
Can I... give you a backrub?
NARRATOR
(To the audience.) Oh god, so juvenile. (To Josh.) Of course.
The next hour was spent touching each other in basically every way Jesus might let us get away with.
There was one moment where we were reclined in the seats all the way back and he just–
(Josh reaches his left arm over and lays his hand on her chest. He leaves it there for a few moments and eventually puts his hand down her shirt.)
This man is twisting my nipples and holding eye contact??
The whole thing was insanely erotic. At least for a 17-year-old me. Things started to escalate.
(She crawls on top of him.)
I’m on top of him kissing his neck.
(She lowers herself.)
I squeeze myself into that console part of the car. He knows my intentions, but I ask, (To Josh.) Is this okay?
JOSH
Yes.
(He pulls a sucker out of his pocket and unwraps it, holding it out to her. She puts her mouth around it.)
NARRATOR
(Speaking a bit garbled with the sucker in her mouth.) This guy’s cock is in my mouth, and we have never even kissed. Is this normal? No? Just me? Okay, word.
(She takes a lick.) Five minutes. (Takes another.) Fifteen. (Another.) Thirty.
(Another.) Forty-five. Minutes.
(She takes the sucker out of her mouth and throws it in frustration.)
Nothing??? This had never happened to me before, was it my fault? FUCK my jaw hurts. Can I get an ice pack?
(Someone offstage throws her one.)
It’s as if Jesus wasn’t letting him finish. He was standing over top of us and shaking his finger at our putrid actions.
I stepped out of the car. I was overheated and frustrated.
(She flaps the front of her sweatshirt in and out, fanning off.)
JOSH
(Laughing.) It’s okay. No one’s ever been able to make me finish.
NARRATOR
What does he mean ‘no one’?? How many other girls have gone down on him without kissing?? What was this weird plan?? He’d be able to tell his future wife “I haven’t had my first kiss yet... I saved it for you,” but I have gotten my dick sucked by 15 gullible church girls??
All this and alas, I was still into him. This happened three more times. Long-ass blow-jobs to no avail. After each one came the morning text–(In Josh’s voice.) “That was a bad idea, we shouldn’t do that again.” If I had a quarter for every time I received a text like that from a religious boy, I’d have a whole dollar and fifty cents. So, why do I keep going out on a limb and risking someone telling me ‘that was a mistake.’ It made me feel repulsive. If you regret hooking up, just don’t reach back out. Don’t tell her you made a giant mistake because then she’ll associate anyone touching her with instant shame and humiliation.
We went on a few months hiatus after this. But he reached back out because the only time he was interested in me was when I was dating someone else.
My senior year of high school I was caught up in a showmance that was coming to a close. A showmance, for those who may not be aware, is when you have an inflated sense of how talented someone is, so you obsess over them while you’re in a show together, but then the show ends and you’re like... Oh. Yeah, I’m kind of bored now.
Anyway, I was nearing the end of this showmance when Josh hit me up for a “drive”.
I stupidly said yes, and we stupidly went for a drive, and I stupidly parked the car. I broke up with the showmance right after this.
What happened was a bit overwhelming. Watch this.
I had just “finished up” another unsuccessful blowjob.
(She scooches to the front of the stage and hangs her feet off the edge.)
Let me get more comfortable.
(She turns around now with her legs toward the back of the stage. She lays down flat and hangs her head off the edge of the stage–her face upside down to the audience. Josh gets on top of her.)
He lifts up my skirt.
He is finally about to reciprocate for the first time. He moves down.
(Josh does these as she speaks.)
Okay, he’s resting his head on my stomach. A long pause happens.
You good?
(Josh lifts his head and he is visibly upset.)
(She tosses her head back to the audience and speaks to them upside down.)
He was crying.
Crying.
I was traumatized.
Here’s what I wish I would have done.
(She gets out from underneath him and distances herself.) (To Josh.) Oh, you’re good. I’ll just take you back home.
(To the audience, resetting herself under him.) Here’s what actually happened.
(They get up off the ground and walk backward to two chairs that are close together on center stage, representing the car seats.)
(Back to Josh.) Are you okay? What’s the matter? (They share a long hug before he talks.)
JOSH
(Between sobs.) I have fallen so far in my faith, this isn’t me.
NARRATOR
I took the blame. I comforted him. For three hours. After he cried on my vagina!! I thought “that’s it for me, I’m simply never going to be intimate with anyone ever again!”
Little did I know the next time I was going to go down on someone it’d last about 45 seconds, not minutes.
(She hugs him from behind.) I can’t blame him for scarring me though because Christianity has a way of spinning any temptation and breaking you down to turn you towards something else. Something more secretive. Porn: an addiction you can hide.
He told me that he’d been struggling since he was 11. Eleven. That turned into trading pics online with older women when he was just a teenager.
Scene V
NARRATOR
So, where am I going with all this you may ask? Well, there’s a happy ending. I think I may be the happiest I’ve ever been...
There were awkward instances along the way, but they all seem worth it now. Let’s go through a few for shits and gigs, yeah?
(She pulls out a clicker and the projector starts running on the backdrop. She starts cycling through these photos one by one.)
There was Ol’ Gabe, he was probably the shyest person I’d ever met, but transformed in bed. I diagnosed him with a porn addiction too. After we’d fuck, we’d shower, and he’d get down on his hands and knees and scrub between my toes with a washcloth. I also diagnosed him with OCD.
Oh, and can’t forget Liam, my middle school crush that never amounted to anything until eight years later when I came back home to visit. We fucked on his friend’s couch, and it was the first time I experienced a rim job. We’d been out dancing all night and I was not ready for that so; I’m imagining that wouldn’t have been so pleasant.
Jose, one of my brother’s friends, who I slept with purely because I was attracted to how clean and put together he was. Dean, my ex, had called while we were fucking, and he told me to pick it up. I did. It was kind of hot.
Lon, who made sure to warn me he “wasn’t confident about what was in his pants.” He was so nervous that night he couldn’t even get that little guy up.
Viktor, who had maybe the biggest dick I’ve ever seen in my life. He told me the XL Magnums would be a trash bag on him, but they fit perfectly. And–
Nigel, who came before I even took his pants off.
None of those interactions mean anything to me anymore though because when I look back on them, I was performing. My only aim was to please the man and go home empty handed because I, and no one else, ever valued the female orgasm. It’s so incredible!!!! Don’t get me wrong I was a horny little devil, so I was masturbating and getting off.
I discovered it at a very young age and got teased in middle school for being so open about it. Strangely enough this is the one topic my parents and I have never spoken about. They’ve never asked, thank God.
But, alas, no one had ever cared about pleasing me.
Until Leo.
He cares about me in all aspects.
(She puts the robe back on. A long green couch is wheeled in from SR. Leo, also in robe, enters SL and sits in the corner and gestures for her to join him.)
He’s so nerdy. And by nerdy, I mean extremely intelligent. He likes chess and he updates me on his ranking. He is so fucking cute.
He’s well-spoken and very polite. His sense of humor is dry and corny.
He’s quite beautiful at literally every angle. Some people are good looking from the front, or when their head is turned a certain way, but he’s got this striking profile that seems to only get better each time I look at him.
He let me paint his nails black for him before a show of his. He kept telling me what a nice job I did.
He’s so good at everything. I thought I was good at board games and ping pong, but he beats me every time.
And we both come from religious backgrounds, so we understand each other.
And here’s the best part. He puts me first in bed. Every. Time. The other day I had an orgasm so intense I quite literally involuntarily shed tears. I’m having the best sex of my life, I wake up next to a gorgeous man, and I’ve never been so indifferent about my body. I say indifferent because now it’s never constantly at the front of my mind like it used to be. If anything, I now have positive feelings about it. I’m the most confident I’ve been in a long time and now I have things in my life that are far more important to me than how my body looks.
I think I’m quite literally falling in love with him.
I don’t like to get too far ahead of myself but sometimes when we’re with each other I’m so overwhelmed with that feeling that I don’t know how’d I’d even express it. Sometimes I just say, “I adore you.”
(She joins him on the couch, and they cuddle up next to each other.)
My point is, you gotta search through the hay to find your needle, even if it may not bethe needle, it’s still a good one.
My parents know I’m obviously not abstaining, but we don’t really talk about it. Maybe every once in a while, I’ll get a “... staying safe?” question from my mom, but I know she’d rather ignore the fact I’m getting it.
At this point in my life, I’ve never been more unconcerned with my religion. I never really think about it anymore, and I’m the most content I’ve ever been.
Fuck what other people tell you you should and shouldn’t do. I’ll do what I want. Him included. (She and Leo start to kiss and the couch is pulled off stage.)
(Blackout.)